anagram 02.15.99

i had a totally lazy day. i ate too much. i didn't move. i think i'm in a "gestation period" until my next creative outburst. i watched a thing on rape and tori amos on 20/20 and got all teary-eyed. i want to go have a good cry, but don't want to feel ridiculous either. then jason and i watched this documentary on bjork that i had taped from bravo..and now jason and i both have ants in our pants to do music. argh. i feel all bottled up. winter. although the weather seemed actually pretty nice today, I didn't take advantage of it. all bloated. i want to turn into liquid and flow

now it's 1:30 am and I've been playing with PSP for hours and hours. glad I played with PSP to make my day somewhat "productive" :) now it's time to get ready for bed. brush teeth. that sort of thing. sometimes I love getting ready for bed, but mostly I hate it. so many dang steps to skin care so my face won't break out. too boring to go into.

will took down his ana fan massage board today because of all the assholes on it. I was really glad to see it go on one hand, but sad on the other because I'll bet those assholes are glad that they had the "power" to wreck something that was about me.

watched that thing on the beatle's wives on E. there wasn't much of a "revolution" going on for the women. the beatle's, at least in the beginning, the way it was portayed, just wanted their wives to stay home and cook and take care of the babies why they went off exploring maaaaaan and fucking groupies. I love the beatles, but finding out that kind of stuff bums me out, maaaaaaaaan.

I'm considering sleeping on the couch tonight in the living room with the dogs because poor jason is practically hallucinating from no sleep. he can't sleep in the daytime like I can. so I think I'll do that. I know it's giving in to the dogs, but I feel so awful for jason, he really needs to sleep.

I'll get ready for bed, turn on a good movie, open up a nice new cold can of cream soda, and snuggle in for the night on the big green couch.

tomorrow I hope will be warmish like it was today, and maybe then I'll go for a walk. I was doing so well on excercising and stretching there for a good week. but I've reverted back to being unmovable…only temporarily , though!

I had this big epic dream last night involving jennicam and recreating the world with thought power as it was slipping away. I was rebuilding my house with my mind…getting all the building blocks going. the universe was dissolving fast. jenni was creating her house again, too with her thoughts. I tried to connect my "neighbourhood" with hers…just glad to see someone I "knew". but my side of town kept getting disconnected from hers. and hers was the good neighbourhood. I kept getting these really abusive neighbours building onto me. it was embarrassing. I was trying to show her that I wasn't like that… and that I wanted to build a peaceful community. it went on and on. but basically I couldn't connect and this one particular rocker guy that was very violent I had to keep an eye on.. I was so afraid he was going to break into my house. I wanted security and peace. it was so frustrating. I didn't know why I was drawing that energy to me.

some of the dream was probably about the public bbs. but hers can get really stupid, too. but mine was just out of control completely.

wonder what I'll dream tonight? god, let it be a HAPPY dream. I only get those twice a year.