anagram 021002

silly accents
drawing a blank
blah blah blah
whatever
udderly smooth

[08 Feb 2002|06:07pm]

i'm gonna go up to jason's for the night. i might be back..i don't know. we are just gonna hang 'cause he is going to be terribly busy the rest of the weekend. i'll be on ana2.com's cam2.

i'm still working on the little books and i have decided that i am not going to take them to kinkos but print them out on my printer on really nice paper because #1 i finally figured out how to make them double sided and even up and #2 that way everyone gets a first print...not a xerox of a print. and i want these to be the best quality books. it'll take more time, but i hope you will have patience with me...it has been a learning process and i know you will be happier with the results in the end if i take my time and do this right instead of cut corners in any way :)

[09 Feb 2002|12:04am]
i feel like each moment i awaken from another level of brainwashing. i feel like i woke up from a dream awhile ago about family issues and the course of my whole life....but now i realize that was a dream about waking up from a dream. how many layers of this are there? it's scary! this process is overwhelming and consuming...but i am making it through thus far....

i think i want to go to a support group for people who have been in relationships with narcissists. would that help or is that just too corny? i need to talk and trade stories or something. something...

does anyone know of something like that in the twin cities area? or maybe even an excellent online community?

i wish i could afford to see a psychologist or something. i know who i want to see. i've seen her before but i wasn't ready. i was too confused. but now i want to see her. i have more information. she is $115 an hour or something and she is the one i trust. i have to see her and talk. something...something....my gut intuition knows it has to be her. i trust her.
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[09 Feb 2002|09:31pm]

I am the nature-loving Jesus. There seems to be nothing that will stop me from protecting the earth and my furry friends. I may also have a hidden passion for sweater knitting.

Take the What Jesus Would You Be? Quiz

[10 Feb 2002|12:10am]
you can find a lot of my music on audiogalaxy.net, i just found out
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[10 Feb 2002|11:10am]
can't remember my dreams from last night. except that i maybe had a dream about cake. i dream a lot about cake.
jaosn fixed one of my computers and got it to recognize finally the video capture card that's on it and upgraded it to winMe...so i think today i will FINALLY get cam 4 working on that :) this is also good because i can move more stuff off this computer onto there.
but right now i'm waking up and i'm totally groggy. drinking a diet coke. i'm actually preferring diet to sugar coke now as i've gotten used to it. if i have a sugar coke it's just too sweet.
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pubic hair.... [10 Feb 2002|11:52am]
just out of interest...are there are men or women out there who actually prefer it when a woman grows out her pubic hair naturally instead of trimming it or shaving it into some design or shaving it off completely?

i prefer it all to be shaved off, but as some of you may have noticed, i've let mine totally all grow out. it reminds me of the erotic photos from the 20's and 30's when women left their pubic hair the way it naturally is.
and mine is really soft, so i'm finding it nice to have it the way it is right now, altho if i could shave it off without this being a terrible rash inducing incident, i would. and btw, i have tried EVERYTHING to have it not break into a rash, so please no advice on that. trust me, i was a stripper, so i had to have it shaved all the time and i never found anything that worked for me.

another interesting thing i've found out is that some men are really shocked when they see a woman with her pubic hair fully grown out...they just didn't imagine that there would be that much hair there. true, some women naturally do not have much, but on the whole, i'd say that the amount of pubic hair i have is within the normal range...at least from what i've seen throughout my life.
also, i remember guys ebing shocked at my underarm hair when i grew that out for awhile because i saw that patti smith record where she shows her underarm hair and i thought that was soooo sexy :) i think so many people are so used to seeing women shaved everywhere , that when they see hair that isn't shaved...they think it is gross and unnatural...i remember once when i was a stripper i didn't shave my pubic hair...i had had some time off and my first show back was an all nude one ( didn't have to wear a g string ).....so i wasn't required to shave...and i found it really disturbing that some men didn't know that hair grew there at all! i'm SERIOUS! and only one guy saw me and was like " oh my god FINALLY i woman who doesn't shave it!" and he was so happy. i guess he didn't know that there was a rule that we HAD to shave our pubic hair ( at least around the g string...no hair could show...that's why you see women's pubic hair shaved into the little strips. we were allowed to have it there since that was where it was covered )
then i got over that phase and shaved their again.
one thing, tho, that i just can't stand at all is hairy legs. i just cannot go there. it's weird how i can like hair certain places but not others. i don't know why that is.

i mean, what IS it that america seems so freakishly freaked out by pubic hair? like that black crowes album cover that was censored and banned because it showed a picture of a women wearing an american flag bikini...but some pubic hair was showing...and the pubic hair made everyone freak out so they had to airbrush it off. what on earth? why is this society so freaked out by pubic hair?

anyway...back to my original question...are there any people out there who prefer it not shaved?
69 comments|post comment

[10 Feb 2002|04:12pm]
cam4 is working now, thanks to jason :) i still cannot record my little vogs on there, tho..because the sound will not work on that computer. dunno why. but at least a cam is actually on there and WORKING! YES! so, getting closer! :)

i ordered paper and ink today for my books. i found some HP semi gloss 2 sided paper so THAT is cool that it is 2 sided! exactly what i need :)

i cannot shake my feeling of being extremely tired. i am trying so hard not to flop on my bed and sleep. perhaps i will have to break down and make coffee.

my PUR water filter works so well, i am amazed :) my water tastes yummy now :)

did you know that queer as folk was a british tv series before it came here? you can buy it on dvd! i am so curious! and i have missed ALL of this season's shows so far :(

for valentine's jason is buying me CABLE TV!!!! oh yesssssssssssss :))) what a great present! i am floored!!! i just have to come up with the $ to pay them what i back owe them so that i can have it again :) i miss it sooo much..i miss IFC and sundance most especially. i love films! i LIVE for films :)

speaking of...has anyone seen the movie "chuck and buck"? it's on sundance. it's REALLY weird! i highly recommend it! i also saw "unbreakable" the other day and loved that, too :)

i am so hungry. i need to get to the store to buy food but i am sooo tired i do not want to go out there. but i have to, unless i want to eat boiled eggs for the rest of the night....which i do not.

i haven't written to my mom since that last thing...i do not know what to write or if to write. all i really want to write is "screw you"...so perhaps i should not write. i wonder now if she reads my journal more frequently. i would think that she would because i think she would have too much curiousity to see if i am saying anything about her. but then again, she is very afraid of my site and perhaps has just recoiled deeper into her world. i do not know.

there is a site that states that all narcissists are mysogynists. i wonder if this is true. from my experience i would say mostly yes..even when it comes to women narcissists. but i think there is always room for exceptions, as with anything.

i think my desire to take a nap is taking over....not...going..to...give...in.....
7 comments|post comment

fetishes [10 Feb 2002|05:12pm]
i just got this book called Body Probe from my friend emmettsl and it is really way cooler than i thought it would be! it has lots of interviews with fascinating people...i could go on and on about it but now i'm too tired to type. thank u emmett!!! i thought it would be just about tattoos and piercings...but it goes wayyyy beyond that into cyborg world and weird forms of bondage...like tokyo's fascination with women who have arms and legs in casts or are in traction...which is another bondage thing...but also heavily related to wanting to control or having no control. i think there is a deep hatred of women behind it...i have the book "city of broken dolls" which is all about that which i got from my fellow fetishist friend gerry. and that book has to be up there with the weirdest fetishes to me....surpassing perhaps the fetish for braces for teeth...or people who have sex with balloons...but not surpassing the fetish for amputees...which is my most favourite fetish to read about...which am i am surprised at. i think it has to do with an amputee can have cool artificial limbs and therefore be more like an android since my #1 fetish is androids.

but back to the broken bones arms in casts thing.....i DO find that movie "crash" incredibly sexy! and i love that song by The Normal called "warm leatherette" which is totally the movie in song form. i have this big fantasy of dying in an exploding car crash...a white rolls royce from the 40's...flying off the white cliffs of dover...exploding in midair...and i HAVE tp be wearing a white wedding dress with veils and chiffon galore. it's the only scenario that i ever see myself wearing a wedding dress ( except for just around the house for hanging out and being decadent ) :)
maybe it's a "marrying death" thing. god, i am so goth. please.

i cannot get enough books on weird fetishes...if anyone has any good ones to recommend , let me know...i'm always looking!
stacy fi you see this you MUST get this book...there are lots of people who want to be robots and cyborgs , etc in that book! it's really intense!
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[10 Feb 2002|09:39pm]
clicking on the random journal thing is fun
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sound waves for the boring sunday nights [10 Feb 2002|10:04pm]
silly accents
drawing a blank
blah blah blah
whatever
udderly smooth

a song i wrote [10 Feb 2002|11:03pm]
mother anorexia (mp3) 3.64 MB

"mother anorexia make me streamlined make me modern make me clean make me fluid make me flawless make me high how did i ever find keys to this madness keys to this sadness badness in me how did i ever get running on light running on fright tightness and tightness in me it's so serious father anorexia make me graceful make me bloodless make me bright make me mobile make me fearless make me white how did i ever get terribly efficient when i'm deficient dish is empty how did i ever get all that i wanted when i am haunted daunted and taunted in me it's so precious i'm running on the speed of light and it feels so delicate"