anagram 020602
http://www.anacam.com/lj/hello.wav
(264KB)
lullaby for u
http://www.anacam.com/lj/somewhere.wav
http://www.anacam.com/lj/pupssniffingmic.wav
( 263 KB)
my sleepy slurry made-it-up-on-the-spot lullabye of the morningnight
http://www.anacam.com/lj/letitgo.wav
(700KB)
"sometimes you don't know what you're doing, but that's ok, that's alright...i
like you anyway...so don't worry 'bout that anymore...it's time to let it
go let it go..."
dr. pepper burp :)
http://www.anacam.com/lj/drpepperburp.wav
(87KB)
[04 Feb 2002|11:55pm]
http://www.lushcanada.com/
i want EVERYTHING
from here!
sonia5 told me about this :)
dream of death
and being reborn [05 Feb 2002|07:52am]
i had a dream that i died and then i was reborn. sort of. i died and i don't
know why or what of but i told my mom this and then we even discussed if she
should then have sex with my dad to bring me back how i am now, or if she
should have sex with this other guy that was taller ( i think that guy represented
her husband right now...not my dad ). we decided that it should be my dad
again. i asked her if she would call her rachael or something else. she said
she would call her something else since it wouldn't really be me. then i died
as i was swimming in the river singing a song to one of my friends who was
not paying attention to me singing for them. and i thought how tragic that
that would be my last song, i should have sung something else then, for me,
since i was the only one listening.
i didn't remember this death scene until i was reborn through my mother again and i told her this. i said death was like falling asleep and you couldn't pay attention to the actual moment of death because it was like falling asleep...like how if you lie in bed and consciously try to remember the exact moment between wakefulness and then sleeping into sleep...it's impossible to remember that transition.
when i was born again through my mother i was just as i had been before i died. and we were all in these beautiful woods ( my whole dream took place here ). a whole bunch of ferret-type things had just been born from inside a tree, 51 of them to be exact ( i think 51 is the queen of swords in the tarot). i saw all their black shiny curious cute eyes staring at me from the tree behind long blades of grass. i wanted to meet them all and see what they were. so i called them over and they reluctantlu came over then were very happy about it and ran all over me tickling me with their little noses and tiny little paws.
then this scenario repeated itself..this time with slightly different ferret-type creatures. but this time i made for each one , with my mind, either a suit in a 40's style or a dress from that same era. lots of the dresses were tan with bright red trim and hats to match. they all looked like those cartoon ferret things in ood time cartoons that would dress and act lie they were in the mob with their brooklyn accents. except they weren't cartoons :)
one of my uncles came over to me who was also simultaneously the guy that represented my mom's husband she has now. the uncle is the uncle that in real life he's my fave, but right now i'm really angry with him for pretending to be interested in my cam and what i'm doing and seemingly being supportive of me and then a few weeks later calling my mom up and telling her that he was scared for me and that i am doing dark things of satan and i am being deceived by thinking i am in the light. anyway...
he was amazed that i was able to conjure up the wardrobe for the creatures. and even more amazed when i told him that i had also conjured up the trees, which were also carved temples. i felt like "whatever" at him because he had never paid attention to any of my talents before and i didn't want to discuss them with him now. he was supposed to be the big time scholar and never gave me the time of day that i might know of something worth noting.
i noticed that he cut his toenails straight across like you are supposed to do when you are taught about that sort of thing so that you do not get an ingrown toenail. each toenail was perfect but it looked ridiculous on him, i thought. i then realized that his middle name was "dark king" and my mom's middle name was "crystal light" and i laughed and pointed this out to him that his mother had had a great sense of humour when naming her children and funny that those names really made a lot of sense! he didn't seem to get the connection.
back in time again....as i asking my mom if she would rename me...and she telling me that she would name me something else since i would be a different person, i saw that i was reborn as a baby...not fullgrown as i also was simultaneously born as ( and as the same person, not different )...and i thought how difficult it must be for her to go through all of this again...having just had one child die who did not turn out as she had wanted...and now has to go through this whole baby process and the whole 9 yards wondering if this child, too, will end up just causing her pain in the end.
who knows
the future? we just do what we have to do, thought. and she has another child
and now must bring it up again. will the future turn out differently this
time? will this time be worth it for her? i felt pain and loss and exhaustion
and thinking about being her and i was amazed that she was willing to do it
again as i watched her smiling as she bathed the new baby me in the river
in which i had just died. the new baby "me" was smiling and laughing
and gurgling. it seemed a perfect scene...but also so sad and full of anguish
if you knew the whole story. that is how *I* felt. i guess i was worried that
*I* would screw it all up for her again, perhaps....but there was nothing
i could do about it because things were going to happen as they happened because
the baby was just a baby and my mom just was a mom doing her mom thing, hoping
for the best...seeing the best in her child...hoping for a good future...a
future she had preplanned in the back of her mind about how it might be. i
didn't know...i was guessing...i'm not her so i can't know. but these are
the things that went through my mind as i watched that scene.
(i thought of it even more....even with the ferrets "ferretting out the information"
"getting to thr root and the of the deal( being inside the CORE the ROOT of
the tree ) the #51... my ideas, while excuted perfectly and with great detail
, were still "in cartoon land" the man with his toenails cut "as they should
be...because that's the way it's done! order order!" so many details all make
sense)
i've finally
cleared enough room on my harddrive that i think i can now back up all of
anacam and ana2 onto it and then i can someday rearrange it and clean it up
a bit since it's so dang huge. you'd think all this clearing stuff up and
defrahmenting and then backing up would be so boring, but it gives me peace.
i think just because i want order.
[05 Feb 2002|11:43pm]
greta van from cnn's eye surgery! wow! what a transformation!
i gave the dogs each a gumdrop. that should keep them occupied for awhile...
i am now going
to attempt to, once again again again, get this other cam i have to get working
on this other computer...godwilling.
(scottbateman
2002-02-06 08:51 (from 216.26.62.151) (link)
OK, can I just say that I think Greta Van Susteren looks completely freakish
after her eye surgery? And can I say that I thought she looked fine before
the eye surgery? And can I just say that it's a shame that such an intelligent
woman fell into that whole youthful appearance trap? Can I just shut up now?
OK.
(Reply to this)
Re:
ana
2002-02-06 10:20 (from 208.42.90.101) (link)
oh puh---leeeeeeez. you know better than that!
so what what u think! it's that she likes it that matters! i can't believe
YOU just said that!
(Reply to this)
scottbateman
2002-02-06 14:42 (from 216.26.3.244) (link)
What I was really trying to get at here is not that she shouldn't do what
she wants with her own body--you know I'm all for that.
I
was really trying to get at my disgust with how appearance-driven the TV news
industry is for women, which has bothered me for a long, long time. Men are
allowed to look like a Dan Rather-y flab-and-wrinkle-farm and can keep working
right into their 70s, while women generally seem to be expected to look no
older than 35. If she got the eye surgery simply to please herself, super.
But the timing of it coincides with her starting work at Fox News, which suggests
to me that maybe it wasn't all her idea.
(Reply to this)
ana
2002-02-06 17:31 (from 208.42.90.101) (link)
i understand that whole appearance driven thing in the news. it makes me angry
, too.
HOWEVER...if you think that fox "controlled" her in some way or "made her do it" ...then really are you giving her the credit that she, as an intelligent woman ( as you said...and is obvious)...so deserves?
you don't think she can make up her own mind about something like that? i think that is really insulting.
women...we're damned if we do and we're damned if we don't. heck. give her the benefit of the doubt WILL ya? so she got some plastic surgery...millions do it all the time. isn't getting so judgemental about her getting surgery JUST as damaging as someone who would think she SHOULD have it done?
do it! don't do it! you're smart if you do it! you're dumb if you do it! i thought you were smart! and then by even insinuating that you were disapointed that she did it BECAUSE u thought she was smart...is really a big rip on anyone who has ever had plastic surgery, kinda, isn't it? kinda implies that anyone who has had it done isn't THAT smart. not "greta" smart.
i just say to all people PUHleeeeez just stay out of a woman's choice to do what she pleases with her looks. all that judgementalness in EITHER direction is really counterproductive and insulting.
if a GUY had some major plastic surgery and then went to fox at the same time...whether or not those two had ANYTHING to do with each other....do u think anyone would be down on the guy that a bunch of guys coerced him into it? heck no. i mean sometimes changing your looks just goes hand in hand with major change. people are always going through physical transformations when going through a major change in life.
like
fox wouldn't want her if she had just looked the same? i HIGHLY doubt it.
she rocks...and fox wanted her. period. she IS a smart woman. she kicks ass.
give her that credit.
(Reply to this)
scottbateman
2002-02-06 20:37 (from 216.26.5.81) (link)
You know what, Ana? You make a super-good point--one of the reasons I like
her as a newsperson is because of how obviously intelligent she is, and here
I am not giving her credit for that. I'm surprised at myself, actually, and
I'm glad you called me on it. I hope you'll forgive me; it's kind of a crazy
week here at the Cartoon Compound and I really wasn't thinking there.
(Reply to this)
Re:
ana
2002-02-06 21:50 (from 208.42.91.194) (link)
you're a good egg , scott bateman :)
[06 Feb 2002|12:34am]
grrrr. computers. everything i have done to try to install 4 different types
of cameras on 3 different types of computers in different variations just
so that i can make one of those little movies with sound that i could make
on my laptop...has failed. for all sorts of mysterious reasons...i cannot
get any of it to work. i have tried 3 different movie making programmes..i
have tried...so many things. i cannot go into the reasons it is not working
because i do not even understand the reasons. so....it must be mercury in
retrograde...or i'm an idiot...or this software is stupid...or my computers
suck...or computer things just do not like to work around me..or i have bad
luck...or it's all just a coincidence...or i am hallucinating...or shit happens
or all of the above.
anyway...after weeks and weeks and weeks of once again again again trying
to just get some damn thing to finally click so i can MAKE THE THINGS I WANT
TO MAKE has utterly failed. and that is that.
it's gotten so that i am just paranoid to even TRY anymore...because everytime
i run into this brick wall...i just get so depressed and feel that nothing
will EVER work how i need it to in order for me to just get down to being
CREATIVE. this technical mayhem sucks the living life force out of me and
whatever creative juice i was mustering up and getting excited about it is
sapped dry by this crap. i try SO HARD. it looks like nothing is happening
on my cam . it looks like i am doing NOTHING. this could not be farther from
the truth. you just would not believe how much work lately i have been putting
in trying to make things work to add new things and at each corner i am just
met with....computer hell.
oh...and the dogs ate 5 packs of my i-zone film :/
i am going
to bed now.
and i WILL prevail over this crap. i refuse to give in. i just absolutely
refuse. i WILL make little movies with sound to add to the anagrams everyday
and i will get a godamn cam4 working and that is all there is to it. i will
NOT accept anything less!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ohmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
[06 Feb 2002|03:49am]
i am thankful for my computers! they are on!
i am thankful for webcam software and that people are dedicating huge amounts
of their time to make such cool software. i am lucky that i get to use it.
thank you!
i am thankful that i had a gingerbread house kit to eat for supper. i am thankful
that today jason helped me with my computer and my vcr and also made me kick
ass scrambled eggs. i am thankful i have a big huge bed to now fall into and
sleep til my heart's content
i am thankful that i finally learned how to record my voice and stick it in
this livejournal.
i am thankful for you who are here to listen to me say hello.
so thank you and hello!
http://www.anacam.com/lj/hello.wav
(264KB)
lullaby for u [06 Feb 2002|03:57am]
http://www.anacam.com/lj/somewhere.wav
i'm here ,reading [06 Feb 2002|12:44pm]
http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/index.html
i'm glad u
liked my lullabye, thank u :) i will make another one :)
[06 Feb 2002|02:45pm]
after reading all that.....i need a nap!
http://www.n-courage.net/
[06 Feb 2002|04:05pm]
oprah today is about menopause
[06 Feb 2002|08:04pm]
woa...i took way too long of a nap.
now i am going to make chicken!
[06 Feb 2002|11:28pm]
i'm over at jason's i have spent the day mostly reading on the web about narcissism.
i need to get this book: The Narcissistic Family : Diagnosis and Treatment
and also : malignant self love, which is out of print.
i'm writing this in here as a reminder to myself.
i've spent days reading about this before...but today i found the REALLY good sites that gave me MUCH more information and i found people talking about this just as i talk about this. people who think they are crazy because of their dealings with a narcissist. they make you question your own sanity, to be sure.
and i have so much to digest now, and things make so much more sense, and even how it all relates to me having a cam and why i document.
too much to write about now and jason's keyboard is difficult for me to type on.
i'm going
to watch some cable to soothe my brain a bit.
watched documentaries on the history channel about sex in the middle east , the myths and facts about amazon women, and a biography about caligula. and the last half of the movie " the astronaut's wife".
here are deiter
and sebastian sniffing the microphone and the sebastian barks :) http://www.anacam.com/lj/pupssniffingmic.wav
( 263 KB)
my sleepy slurry made-it-up-on-the-spot lullabye of the morningnight [07 Feb
2002|05:30am]
http://www.anacam.com/lj/letitgo.wav
(700KB)
"sometimes you don't know what you're doing, but that's ok, that's alright...i
like you anyway...so don't worry 'bout that anymore...it's time to let it
go let it go..."
dr. pepper burp :) [07 Feb 2002|06:32am]
http://www.anacam.com/lj/drpepperburp.wav
(87KB)
some people are offended by burps. but i just love to burp...it's so much fun!
----------------
big thing i wrote my dad:
Posted by ANA on February 06, 2002 at 13:15:31:
i'm getting
better again. everytime mom and i have one of these blow outs....and this
one was in text form only thank GOD because if it hadn't been that it would
have been just way more horrifying....i just get so depressed and drained
and feel like everything is a total nightmare for days....i HAD to get her
words down in text form so i could TRY to make sense about what she was saying!
i had to show it to my friends so i could see if ANYONE could decipher what
in the HECK was going on!!!! soooo confusssssed! as it says in the very last
bit of this email re: narcisissts:
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Part of this deception is a communication style that
is called 'word salad': the order of words in sentences is mixed up, and meanings
are slightly altered. Many partners of Narcissists spend much time trying
to make sense of this style of communication in order to understand the meaning.
It is a thankless and hopeless task. "!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
well, i won't
be getting any more email from her not because she doesn't want to be part
of my "publication" but because she knows that if she writes me
in actual words that i can go back to and pull out...her tactics will be utterly
blown to bits and she'll have to truly face how she communicates. there will
be just no way out. i think that is also why she will not go to a counselor
with me.
-------------------------------
all i said is that i didn't want to get together in person right now...i didn't say i didn't want contact with her in any form for a huge period of time...and...well....you can see where that lead. it's all right there. she just pulled a huge whiny sulky guilt trip on me and screw that. she is more concerned about having ANY sort of "relationship" with me than she is concerned with my mental wellbeing. what does she care if she gives me such anxiety that i can't eat and shake because i feel like she's going to throw some emotional boomerang at me any second like some two headed spinning dollhead as long as we GET TOGETHER and SPEND TIME. because we all know that SPENDING TIME is a relationship and that's what mom's and daughter's DO no matter WHAT. augh.
like all the times she has called me and said " why have you not called? i am worried about you!" what she MEANS is "why have you not called i need to know that you are worrying about me" which is understandable TOTALLY. but why doesn;t she just say it like it is? if she were truly worried she would've gone to my website. which she NEVER did until just a few days ago FINALLY. so she was not worried about me at all. she just needs CONSTANT reassurement from me....and i can never assure her enough. it's NEVER enough.
and she CLEARLY
cannnot take responsibilty for what she has said and done. even tho she might
, in some weird moment of clarity or desperation..i don't know which....see
that she has done SOMETHING that would 'cause me to fear her...the next second
it's like she never said that and it's all about how i'm crazy and maybe i
should work on my coping skills or abandonment issues or something. i mean,
*I* am not the one who is calling her at 4am and then not remembering it!
coping skills my *ss.
she tells me that she represses everything to the point that she stares out
the window catatonically because she cannot bare to feel anything. NICE COPING
SKILLS MOM!
*I* am coping.
*I* work out my issues. *I* FACE my pain.
talking to her now...she becomes more and more like a child each month. you
know how she does that little pout thing and that girly voice to get what
she wants from steve. either that or the "i'm so sick you cannot mention
ANYTHING that might upset me". i'm sorry to say it but the truth is is
she weilds her sicknesses like a tool to keep all conversations she doesn't
want to know about away. she's never well because her sicknesses work for
her too well. if she were well she'd have no excuse not to face a lot of things.
i know that is super harsh and i know that her sicknesses ARE real. but she
does weild them like a tool for controlling.
and now she's
given herself until the age of 80 to live. so i have 23 years to be exact
to go share "something" with her. share WHAT i do not know....
i know that as you get older, and as you see your parents die and your peers
die, this must affect a person greatly and you come to a realization of your
own mortality in a very acute way that you never were able to truly grasp
before...a place where i am not at truly as you and mom are. but i do realize
that we are all going to die someday and that i may die even before either
of you die. we just do not know. so telling someone " you have 23 years
to decide whether or not you want to see me" ...really means....jack.
because i HAVE faced my own mortality when that guy busted in my house and
i KNOW he was going to kill me if there had been no divine intervention. but
did that make time more precious to anyone to see me? heck no. in fact that
very night SHE went and stayed overnight with that Ron guy she was dating
and *I* spent the night at Ed's house oh joy of joys. comforting. i may not
have faced death as you have or mom has but i have faced death in my own way
which is just as valid.
oh no *I* couldn't possible die any second of any day like we all could...but mom oh poor mom might heave off any second so i better just shove everything deep deep inside because that means *ding* COPING SKILLS! and we should go SHOPPING! 'cause that's a real meaningful experience that mom's and daughters do! that means everything A-OK!
well, my time IS valuable. and i do NOT need 23 years of a bunch of whateverness from her pious whateverness.
if she cannot even respect my request just for some SPACE. if she cannot even COMPREHEND why i would WANT some. if she wants to throw the blame squarely on me...then screw it. i just have had enough.
i mean just
this alone is enough to just make my head spin....how she tells me all my
life how GUILTY she feels for having been the one who left...for asking me
AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN if i am angry at her for THAT ( which i am NOT angry
at her for THAT )...if she wants to cry to me since 1976 about what a bad
mother she is and how she has abandoned me ( NOW i feel abandoned...NOW )....and
then how she "breaks up with me 3 times and tells me that she can never
see me ever ever again....and i FELT every ounce of that loss at that moment
and for those days after that and mourned severely only to have her call me
back and act like it never happened.....and then treat me like *I'M* crazy....and
then she wants to get together again and i'm SCARED and all she can say is
I HAVE ABANDONMENT ISSUES????
WELL SCREW HER! i am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo angry about that.
that was the LAST straw. that just takes the cake. i do NOT need that. i do
NOT need 23 years more of THAT.
SHE is the
narcissist. you know how most people project their own stuff onto you. well,
after billions of years of her throwing that word around...and especially
at ME...i have really studied up on narcissism and SHE is the narcissist.
from: http://www.n-courage.net/ PLEASE READ THIS! this is EXACTLY what is
going on and EXACTLY how i feel!!!!!
Identifying Narcissistic Traits
An obvious
self-focus in interpersonal exchanges Problems in sustaining satisfying relationships
A lack of psychological awareness (ohmigod..sooo true!)
Difficulty with empathy ( she cannot empathize with ANYTHING to do with me!
she even killed my pet mouse! )
Problems distinguishing the self from others ( hello???*ding ding!* )
Hypersensitivity to any slights or imagined (sooooooo true!)
insults
Vulnerability to shame rather than guilt ( i don't really understand that
one yet)
Haughty body language ( TOTALLY! )
Flatters people who admire and affirm him
Detests those who do not admire him ( oh so very true)
Uses other people without considering the
cost of that for them ( like what is going on right now! ALL I HAVE TALKED
ABOUT!)
Pretends to be more important than he is ( the pious thing...pretend humble
)
Brags and exaggerates his achievements ( this one she doesn't do, as far as
i can tell )
Claims to be an 'expert' about most things ( oh yesssssss, she KNOWS ALL!)
Cannot view the world from the perspective of another person ( absolutely
cannot even fathom another perspective )
-------
Identifying Narcissistic Parents
Narcissistic
parents can be identified by resorting to one's own awareness (never doubt
that!). Our feelings are accurate guides to how we are experiencing the world.
They can never be challenged, they are 'ours'.
Narcissistic parents are primarily focused on themselves and they have priority
over the needs of other people, even their children. This dynamic is easy
to spot when referring to physical needs (we use the term 'selfish' or 'self-centered')
but much more difficult to spot when referring to emotional needs.
Remember that the Narcissistic family can look very good from the outside...
and from the inside too. Don't be fooled, if a family is destructive to its
members it is not OK.
--------
questions they ask you......i would answer yes to all of these when it comes to mom:
How do you
feel when you are with your parents?
Do they devalue you in some way, perhaps subtly? (my god yes!)
Do they may you responsible for their well-being? ( absolutely!!!)
Do they make you feel guilty because you do not live up to their expectations?
( YES!!!!!!)
Do you feel as though you do not exist? ( YES!!!!!)
Do you wish that you were somewhere else? ( YES!!!!!)
Do you feel 'taken-over'? ( YES!!!!!)
Are your opinions discounted? ( YES!!!!!)
When you speak about yourself is their immediate response a focus on themselves...perhaps
they tell you about a similar happening to themselves... and that is more
important than what is happening for you. ( she guilts me out constantly if
i talk about myself and guilts me for not asking about what is going on with
her )
Do you feel that you have to agree with everything they say? ( i do not feel
like i have to agree, and i don't...but when i don't agree with her this GREATLY
upsets her to an abnormal degree.)
--------
How do you feel after you have been with your parents?
Do you feel confused and hurt? YES!
Do you feel angry and frustrated? YES!
Do you feel guilty? YES!
Do you doubt your own reality? don't i say how she makes me feel like i'm
the one who's nuts?? that's why i had to just get it to text form because
her words just make no sense. it goes round and round and round until i am
just utterly confused as to what has happned and to how it has veered off
into this weird other category of nonsensical discussion!
Do you hate yourself? NO! but she TELLS me that *I* do. as if!
Do you have an urge to do something
special for them? yes!
Do you do it? yes!
----------------
"The more one reaches out to please Narcissists the more deprived one
feels and the more
vulnerable one is to being hurt. Their needs are like a bottomless well and
the expectation
is that one can give one's life-blood to please them, but that will never
be enough and never
be good enough.... they want more.... and more.... and more... "
-------------
ALL OF THIS IS SO RIGHT ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this text below especially!!!!!
N-Snared
In relationships the Narcissist (N) seeks people whom he believes can provide him with Narcissistic Supplies (NS). He assesses people to determine whether each potentially can provide these needs. He then cultivates them by seeming to fulfil their needs and giving them what they desire. Once they are in his clutches; that is 'fall in love' with him, he treats them with contempt and has no empathy for them. He 'feeds' off them and demands to be admired, applauded and detested, to reassure himself that he exists.
N-Tranced
The narcissist demands that his/her false reflected self is mirrored by everyone around him/her. In order to comply one has to ignore one's own true self and fit it and adapt to the Narcissists every wish and desire and to be the person he wants you to be. You cannot do this and retain the integrity of your self.... it is not possible. When one abandons one's true self one feels empty inside and a fraud, and thus mirrors the emptiness of the Internal world of the Narcissist.
N-Feebled
When one dedicates
herself to a Narcissist one changes and begins to lose the sense of
one's self due to the depreciating behaviour of
the N. A thick skin or armour develops in order
to survive and one's integrity and moral sense
diminishes. There is a gradual loss of sensitivity to the feelings of other
people and a loss of sensitivity
to one's own needs and feelings which culminates
in the loss of one's own sense of self, or
one's soul.
N-Tombed
Being 'dead' to oneself is inevitable unless one is conscious of what one is experiencing and understands the implications of that. This requires a process of awakening followed by a resurrection in which one's regains the passion and life-force that one is potentially born with. Many children have their spirits broken by abusive and Narcissistic parents; many adults are lured into relationships with Narcissists and are treated with utter contempt and lack of empathy.
N-Tangled
Loss of personal boundaries is inevitable when relating closely with a Narcissist. This occurs when one loses the capacity to determine where one begins and the other person ends: one's reality blends with the other persons and there is the illusion that one knows what the other person is thinking and feeling so one can tell them what to do and how to behave. In a relationship in which Narcissistic traits are predominant it is often very difficult to know which one of the couple is the Narcissist and which one is the person who has been manipulated and controlled
N-Twisted
One of the most invidious things a Narcissistic person does is to challenge and attempt to change the personal reality of other people in order to have power over them. The Narcissist may verbally and emotionally abuse to achieve this end but it may be done with seeming concern. When one doubts one's own reality and allows another person to be the keeper of it one cannot think clearly about one's place in the world, one's relationships, one's goals, etc. Self-determination and a sense of control are lost and these are vital to mental health.
N-Slaved
'Co-dependency' is the term given to the dedicated partner of the Narcissist. This becomes a way of life that is rarely analysed and people in this position often idealise it. It is rationalised using words such as loyal, dedicated, self-sacrificing. The cost includes loss of self-esteem; loss of personal boundaries, loss of a sense of one's own reality; regression to thinking in terms of 'black' and 'white'; and self-neglect. A co-dependent is relatively powerless and has a tendency to be susceptible to being manipulated because of verbal, emotional, or sexual abuse suffered earlier in life. Tragically, a child who has been abused in these ways will often marry or partner who is, psychologically, similar to the original abuser and not be conscious of the situation because for him/her being abused feels 'normal'.
N-Trusted
Entrusting
yourself to a Narcissist is fraught with
danger...he is not trustworthy! His life is coloured by deceit and deception.
One cannot rely upon the validity of what he says nor can one trust his word.
If he succeeds in deceiving his victim he has a sense of triumph because the
victim has been tricked. This deception is subtle and not easily identified
at times... the victim just knows that she has been taken advantage of. Part
of this deception is a communication style that is called 'word salad': the
order of words in sentences is mixed up, and meanings are slightly altered.
Many partners of Narcissists spend much time trying to make sense of this
style of communication in order to understand the meaning. It is a thankless
and hopeless task.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Part of this deception is a communication style that
is called 'word salad': the order of words in sentences is mixed up, and meanings
are slightly altered. Many partners of Narcissists spend much time trying
to make sense of this style of communication in order to understand the meaning.
It is a thankless and hopeless task. "!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!