a few pictures from earlier this month that i didn't get into the anagrams yet. click on the pictures to see them full size.

fat
i have had a few people call me very unkind fat names recently and i am very pleased to report that this did not hurt me because i have worked so very hard on loving myself no matter what my body looks like (even tho i prefer to be skinnier and have actually lost 10 pounds. c'est la vie...looks do not last forever so EVERYONE better come to grips with that fact as fast they can because it WILL happen to us all who live ).

obviously it bugged me enough to mention it...but the reason i mention it at all is because i am very proud of myself for just being who i am despite what others think. whether it be about my body, soul, spirit, or mind. and after reading those things that people said, it made me realize how far i had come.

i used to not even be able to leave the house if i didn't have make up on! if i didn't have my "outfit" completely planned out and looking 100% acceptable to me.
now i can leave the house looking like "whatever". i realize that i have every right to exist out of the safety of my home no matter how i look.
i know that will sond weird to some and others it will hit close to home.

anyway, another HUGE reason i mention it here is because i really want to thank those of you who have stuck with me no matter what i have looked like. you are truly exceptional TRULY beautiful people. you are what true friendship is all about.

your positive comments about my body as the years have gone by have really had a great affect on my self esteem. and i just want you to know the power that you hold to turn a person's life around or to completely destroy it ( depending on the person's resiliency and other factors...i am quite resilient yet not made of stone.)

i will speak for women and men everywhere (i'm quite certain)... when i say that what you DO say can make a difference in a person's life.

sticks and stones my break my bones but words can never hurt me is a load of bullshit.
sometimes the worst damage you could do to a person is all in the words you CHOOSE to speak.
but the person who heard those words is also responsible whether or not to use those words as a tool to dig themselves a ditch or dig themselves out of a ditch.
but your words are powerful.

in MY case, your words have helped me through the most difficult of times.
and for that i thank you.

please remember this when you meet up with other people you will come in contact with in your life.

give out kind words. everyone needs kind words. everyone. it really DOES make a difference. no matter how small you think your words are...all the words from all the people ADD UP.

that is something that has really become even more apparent to me as i crochet...that each little stitch i do brings me closer to the end product just as each word the utters from me or you all adds up to a THING.

that is what millionaires have known all along...that each 1/2 a cent or 1/4 cent means something. it all adds up. quicker than you would think.

if i thought about how far AWAY i was from that million dollars or how many more stitches i had to DO before a blanket was finished...i probably would never START as it is overwhelming. but if i just stay in the here/now and keep on going..one stitch at a time....EVENTUALLY it will produce a thing.

that is what it is like with words.
and that is why i understand those boys who shot all of those people at columbine.

now that may not be a very good thing for me to admit that i identify with, but i think it is necessary for me to admit in order for others to perhaps see the power that they hold.

you mat think that your ONE LITTLE comment will not AFFECT a person. and , indeed, if it were ONLY you making on LITTLE comment , then...ya, that would not be a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

but that is not the case.

each thing builds on the other. and overtime it can become overwhelming to as person. perhaps those who have not been in this position will have a hard time understanding this. but take it from me, a huge misfit from day 1, IT IS.

but, from my past experience, i know that those who cannot understand this aren' t GOING to understand this any time soon until it happens to THEM.

anyway...my point is...well, actually there are several points...but what i will end with AGAIN is a hearty THANK YOU to the people who support me no matter what i look like and always find my beauty WITHIN.

and to those unkind, you are no better than murderers. murders of souls and of spirits. for with each unkind word you say, a target is set, a bullet is made, and that bullet is SHOT at that target.

no better than terrorists you are. and as terrorists, you only hurt yourself the most of all.