anagram 011600
hmmmm. i just
don't have anything 2 say! can u believe it? i think it's cause i was so busy
doing stuff that "normal" people do or something..i have really
nothing 2 say! i really did ALMOST get the thing room cleaned. almost. at
least i fit everything that was in the hall back in there. i went through
piles of paper stuff and threw stuff out.i got my ugly little desk back in
there. and i moved the computers that were on that desk..then i moved them
into the livingroom..now i moved them back into the thing room so i can type
out my journals on them in there. i know that sentence was poorly strctured.
i hope it made any sense. if it didn't, it's no big deal, 'cause it's not
very interesting or super important anyway!
so i cleaned that room sort of. and then we had company over. milo fine (
www.fetik3.com/milofine ) and
his mate , susan. and steve gnitka, who plays guitar with milo. steve is an
incredible person. very kind and gentle and shyish. we are such opposites...him
being a 46 year old r.crumbish type guy and then me. but opposites attract
i guess :) he and i both don't drive...but i guess there is a bus that goes
from his house to my house, so maybe if we both can get past our unsocialness,
we will get together more often. we both rarely ever socialize. so i guess
we DO have a lot in common in a way :)
i was practically paralyzed with anxiety before everyone came over at 5. i
felt really weird that i had become that socially handicapped or whatever
it is. i guess i was just so nervous 'cause steve is so nervous and i really
didn't want him 2 be nervous, but by me being nervous, i knew that'd make
him nervous..so i got caught in this dear loop. it really sucked. i couldn't
eat anything the whole day. finally when everyone left around midnight, did
i finally eat something. i have no fears about eating in front of others,
i was just so damn nervous i felt nauseous. but everything went totally fine,
and a good time was had by all. and jason did all the food work, so i was
so happy about that and totally impressed. he went and bought all this great
food while i cleaned up the last bits of the house and shoved things in closets
and stuff. he bought all this special cheese spread and sesame pita chips,
and 7,000 gallons of champagne. and salad and fettucine with alfredo sauce
and marinara sauce too.
and chocolate and mint "grasshopper" pie! ohmigod YUM!
so everyone stuffed there faces in delight, except me..i just drank champagne
to calm down! the house looked so nice all clean! and all my candles were
lit everywhere! jason actually went out and bought a new vacuum cleaner which
is a GODSEND. i can lay on the carpet now with no dog hair! YES!
then jason showed then the southpark movie, which i was nervous about showing
them , 'cause i didn't think susan would dig it..but she is the one who laughed
the most! so, bravo to jason for everything that night!
oh, and
another reason i felt so sick that day was because i had a period haeadache.
i never get migraines anymore since i've been taking amitriptyline everyday
for it. so thank god. but i still will get a headache that will last all day
and kind of take the wind out of my sails. today i have a headache too, but
i took some excedrin and it went away this time.
oh, this is really exciting stuff, huh?
so the next day ( yesterday ) was really nice 'cause my headache was gone
and i wasn't nervous so i just laid on the couch and recuperated and watched
this cool movie called "celestial clockwork" but my teeth really
hurt 'cause i've been bleaching them at night with this kit the dentist gave
me, so after work, jason is gonna pick up some sensidyne toothpaste for me.
OWIE.
and i'm going to get new extensions put in on the 24th! YAY! i hope it is
even POSSIBLE to get new ones in! *prays prays prays* my hair is a mess under
there!
i am going to get some pure white ones in, and then with my teeth getting
white, i hope i will look all glam for the conference i'm going to in febuary!
here is the url about the conference :
www.shout2000.com
and get THIS, jerry springer is going to be the keynote speaker! WHY? i do
not know! but it will be INTERESTING to say the least! i'll see if i can get
him to make a silly face for my cam or something! hopefully i will be able
to be connected with my laptop there! i am very excited to go. i've never
gone to a conference before :)
i am going to be on a panel called "cam clan"and it's gonna be me,
jennifer from jennicam, charity from charitycam.org, and erik vidal from hereandnow.net
ow, my teeth are really hurting!
it's hard to even concentrate to type this.
lemme see, what else....well, one thing that occupied my mind 24/7 for days
and days is i lost a friend over the STUPIDEST thing. i linked to his page.
oh, i didn't know our friendship was supposed to be SECRET or something. what's
up with THAT?
fucking a, really hurt my feelings. :( i also took two days to reply to an
email he sent , which i guess didn't make the grade for him. i didn't even
check that email account for two days i have SO many email accounts it's not
even funny. and i get so much email at all of them. so anyway, now he is not
my friend anymore and i feel very bewildered at this. totally and utterly
bewildered. u just never know what people are gonna do. u just never know
what'll make them snap. and here i thought we had just become BETTER friends.
so i'm completely weirded by that. i now just think about that twice a day
instead of every 15 minutes, so i'm getting better.
thing is, i wasn't supposed to link to his page because he wanted to remain
anonymous on the net. well, HELLO? WHY then did he make a webpage for his
band and be very excited about it? why are the trying to sell merchandise
on this webpage? because they don't want anyone to see it? does that make
ANY sense?
did i reveal anything about his personal life by linking to his band's new
website?
unreal! bewildering! and hurtful! :( augh.
so that's it
for now. today is just a grey day. i don't even know what'll i'll do today.
just making this, then i'll take a bath, i think. then...i don't know.
ok, i have a
question for u. i have a lot of projects i want to do, but there are three
main ones especially. and i don't think i could do all of them at once because
i get consumed. so what should i work on first:
1) a new record
2) paint a painting
3) type out all my journals since the age of 22 and make them into a book
( and i want
to read, sew stuffed animals, and mediate and learn to type, too! )
love and vanilla
candlewax,
ana