hello, i'm ana voog, i baked you a cake.

these are my mother's wedding shoes from 1965.
i get a perverse kick out of taking photos like these in them because i had to get a restraining order on her this spring. the marriage didn't last, but i am the product of it.
it's actually a very interesting story that i wish i could tell you, but it's a secret.
thanks mother for ripping my heart out.

since i am new here, i thought it would be polite of me to bake you a cake (ok, i lie...i bought it at the store...but i was GOING to bake you a cake! i swear i will next week). i have an obession with cake. i don't know why. i dream about it a lot. i dream i see it but cannot have it. i like to mix food and sex.
courtney love's famous line "i want to be the girl with the most cake" was inspired by my album "cake and eat it". i know this to be true because she told me so as i zipped her up in her dress backstage.
this was when she was on tour shortly after her husband killed himself. i had xanax and she had valium. we traded some because i wanted to compare the two. i don't care what anyone says. i love courtney love. i hope she gets her shit together. she has so much to offer this world. oh, please, don't roll your eyes at me :)

that's one of my dogs in the background there (i have 3).
his name is deiter after the saturday night love "sprockets" sketch. he is a japanese chin and the love of my life :)
he likes to sleep upside down and it never fails to fill me with joy and laughter when i see him do this :)
he is my squiggle beast. i sometimes call him 'the rumproast" :)
i have a million names for all my dogs. sometimes i sing them songs :)

 

to shave or not to shave?
and my android breasts.

yes, they're fake.
you can see the scars underneath.
my doctor went a little hogwild.
i wanted C breasts but woke up with D breasts!
and the doctor told me that no one would be able to tell the difference between these ones and real ones.
he must have been smoking crack.
they don't move at all (well not much). it's a good thing i have an android/mannequin fetish (i've owned over 24 mannequins but i'm in the process of parting with some now...trying to "feng shui" my house), or this would really bum me out.
yes, my nipples point in funny directions. oh well, you know?
my breasts crack me up. i was born completely flat so they are like toys to me.
they turn me on when i touch them.
i didn't get them because i hated my former breasts. i got them because i love to experiment with my body and my life. i wanted to know what it was like to wear a bullet bra before i died.

plus, it was when my "biological clock" went off... i bought a pair of breasts and a dog :) it wasn't a snap decision, i thought about it for ten years before i got them, weighing all the pros and cons.
i finally decided life is too short to not try new things.

i'll tell you strange story, someday, of how these breasts saved me from this evil major label i was on. the music industry is a very twisted place.

i like to take pix in my tub. i love the tub, it makes me feel safe.
maybe it has something to do with my being in an incubator for a month after i was born -- i was a month early. i was only 4 pounds at birth. i'm still rather small, at only 5'2" and 106 pounds.

i also like to crawl into boxes. i think perhaps it's the cat in me.

on another topic, i've noticed that whether a woman shaves her genitals or not is a huge issue these days.
people are either violently opposed or violently for it.
this is curious to me and i'm still trying to process what that is all about.

 

pictures of taking pictures

these are pictures taken by my cam, capturing moments of me taking pictures for nerve. the nightvision makes my veins more prominent.
i know there is a scientific explanation for it, but i can't remember what it is.

i love to document everything. when i was in vegas last week for a documentary i am going to be about camgirls, i was taking photos of the people taking photos of the people taking photos.
it was absurd. but i love the absurd. the more absurd the better!

 

cumming in the tub with the ducky

do you know how hard it is to make yourself cum in a tub all the while holding a camera in your other hand trying to capture the moment? it's damn hard. i dare you to try!

this is my duck given to me by jennifer of the now defunct jennicam.
this picture reminds me of when i was a stripper, many eons ago, and there was this very young farm girl who would yell
"fuck a duck!" when she got mad. i thought that was hilarious, and it has stuck with me all this time, and now i say it, too :)

i have so many stripper stories to tell you...
oh boy oh boy :) now THAT was a very surreal experience!

 

funny pointing nipples with flower

my boyfriend took this photo of me (above):)
i wanted him to crawl into the tub and fuck my brains out after he took it. he has the perfect cock. it fits in me perfectly.
and yep, there are my nipples again, pointing in funny directions!

i'm not really your "girl next door", i'm more like the girl next door from a galaxy far far away....

do you know how hard it is to have your camera in a tub and then have 9 seconds (self timer) to pose yourself and stick a flower up your vagina?
again, very difficult! it was a comedy of errors.
you don't see those photos because those didn't turn out all that well.
you win some you lose some :)

 

going insane and i don't even smoke

sometimes i go a little insane. especially after a few beers.
why a cake in the tub? why not!
i don't even smoke. i've never been a smoker but i buy packs of cigarettes about twice a year, for no reason. i have a drawer full of unopened packs of cigarettes.
i think i must have been a smoker in a past life because when i get really stressed out i will start smoking "invisible cigarettes".
it 1st happened to me when my second very expensive guitar was stolen from me. it was a gibson 12 string red hollow body from the 60's.
it was fucking gorgeous. i still am going to track that guitar down someday. i'll find it. just you watch! i'm on a mission.

i wish smoking wasn't so bad for you, because it's such a great prop. you can draw someone in, sensually, the way you hold the cigarette, smoke unfurrowing from the mouth or nostrils in a come hither way. yet, it still says "don't get too close to me or i'll burn you". it's a sexy weapon. the way you ash the cigarette can add punctuation to a sentence. or you can throw it on the ground and stamp it out while staring someone straight in the eye.
you could, conceivably, communicate solely by smoking and the way you go about it.
and all the smoking paraphenelia is so delicious and fun!
tiny cigarette boxes that hold treasure, and the lighters! ooo, the lighters. i love fire :)
i'm a triple fire sign.